learning a second language is difficult when...

you aren't really good at speaking the first one.

so we were out to dinner on a tiny island at the Northern tip of Japan (Rishiri) a few days ago and a strange thing happened. my friend Roman wanted to order dessert and we were feeling pretty good because everybody has complimented us on our Japanese since we arrived. sidenote: we can't speak Japanese, we've had all of six hours of instruction in the language. corrollary to sidenote: people in Japan are bullshit artists. anyway, so Roman decides to try out some of his fancy Japanesin'. he grabs the Japanese phrasebook we have and after about six checks of the word for dessert, he catches the waitress' attention with a "sumimasen" (excuse me). when she comes over, Roman confidently puts the book down and says "sabaku onegaishimas?", which is the equivalent of "can I have dessert please?" well, to Roman's dismay the waitress returns this question with a quiet smile that we've come to be very familiar with. she clearly had no idea what he was saying. "no matter" i thought, "she just doesn't understand his pronunciation." this has happened to us numerous times. i decide to give it a shot and pick up the phrasebook. when i scan down the page i notice that the word for dessert is in fact translated as dezato. i couldn't remember what Roman had said, but it didn't sound like dezato to me. so i turn to the patient waitress and say "dezato onegaishimas?" to this she smiles in understanding but tells us with the standard Japanese symbol for no (crossing of the index fingers in an 'x') that they do not have dessert. too bad. it is at this point that it dawns on me why i didn't understand Roman. i grabbed the book and flipped back to the page where i had found dessert. just two lines up i found the pronunciation of the Japanese word for desert..."sabaku". in a country where mere acquaintances will bend over backwards to fulfill your smallest request, Roman has just asked for the one thing Japan cannot offer: a desert. what a dick! next time i travel abroad i will be sure to brush up on my English before leaving.